


Sleepless in Amestris

by sainnis



Series: Fellowes Mews [6]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 06:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/719777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sainnis/pseuds/sainnis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's not your job to stay up all night.  We hired people to do that."  Roy's about to become Prime Minister of Amestris, and Ed can't sleep.</p><p>This is the sixth story in the Fellowes Mews series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleepless in Amestris

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nyagosstar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyagosstar/gifts).



> Set right before Roy becomes Prime Minister. Since I suffer insomnia on a regular basis, I decided Ed should as well. Written for and beta-ed by nyagosstar, who is made of win.

Ed stood by the windows on the far side of the room, his automail hand holding back the heavy curtains as he pressed his flesh one against the glass. It had been raining for three days now, and the downpour seemed to have no intentions of stopping. Peering out into the slick darkness, he watched the ground several floors below, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to see the guards’ shift change. He sighed, his breath appearing for a moment on the glass like a fingerprint. 

The sound of papers falling to the floor made him spin around, his muscles tensed for a fight. Roy had fallen asleep with the lights on again, and notes for the upcoming speech at his induction ceremony had spilled from the bed onto the plush carpet. Padding on bare feet across the room, Ed gathered up the papers, red-inked and wrinkled from various edits, and placed them carefully on the bedside table. The future Prime Minster lay on his back, his faded pajama top unbuttoned, one arm draped over his stomach. A fringe of black hair lay over his forehead, covering one eye, and Ed suppressed the urge to smooth it back. 

He crossed to his side of the bed, sitting lightly on the edge as he stared at the clock. It was almost two in the morning, and he still couldn’t sleep. This was the third night in a row the insomnia had visited him, and what had started as an annoying reaction to stress had become something altogether sinister. He was beyond exhausted, and yet, every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Roy dying. His subconscious seemed to have endless permutations and methodologies; sometimes gunfire, sometimes gas, sometimes homunculi. The list went on. 

There were two guards posted outside the door, and another set on the landing. More monitored the various floors of the Manor, not to mention the doors, the perimeter, even the garage. Dozens and dozens of men and women served as security for the Manor during the night, and yet, their collective eyes and ears were not sufficient to quell Ed’s fears. He reached out to turn off the light, and felt his fingers twitch in hesitation. Living here had made him hate that initial moment of complete darkness, when everything he was sure of suddenly vanished.

Pulling the brass knob with a click, the room instantly darkened, and he let out a long breath. He had good reason to be paranoid, at least for Roy’s sake. Vigilance was the only way to protect him. He wondered idly how long it was possible to stay awake, and if anyone could do it through an entire term of office. Maybe Al would know. It probably wasn’t a good idea to ask him, though, unless Ed wanted to start fishing sleeping pills out of his drinks. Al was worried enough about him as it was.

Ed lay back in bed, gently pulling the blankets up to his chest. Roy exhaled loudly, moving slightly towards Ed beneath the covers. Their mingled warmth made for a pleasant sensation against Ed’s skin, and he tried to focus on peaceful things, like the quiet intake of air through Roy’s mouth as he breathed, and the constant drumming of the rain against the world outside. Rain, he thought. Roy. Rain and Roy and we’re all safe and we’re all sleepy…

He closed his eyes, and somehow the images reconstructed as Roy being drowned. Ed saw Roy holding his breath, struggling beneath the surface, until he finally gasped and the water flooded his lungs. He tried to reach him in time, but Ed couldn’t swim fast enough, and Roy was sinking now, drowning and dying before Ed could even touch him.

Ed’s entire body jumped, jolting him from whatever twilight sleep his brain had momentarily entertained. A wave of adrenaline sped through him like a drug, and his heart banged uncomfortably inside his ribs. God, he thought. If I get any more jumpy, I’m going to fucking leap out of my skin.

Suddenly something touched him, and Ed gasped involuntarily, his automail arm flailing in the direction of his assailant until his wrist collided against something hard.

“Ow!” Roy let out a muffled groan. “Shit!”

“Roy?”

Roy sat up, swearing again, and Ed heard the sound of rustling as he fumbled for the light. “You hit me in the face!”

The bulb switched on, and Ed covered his eyes, blinded. “You scared the shit out of me.” As his vision cleared, he saw blood trickling down Roy’s chin. 

“I think my nose is broken.” Roy’s voice sounded priggish as he pinched his nose shut, trying to stem the flow of blood.

Ed sighed, reaching for a handkerchief. “God, I’m sorry.” He knelt next to Roy, wiping the blood from his face before it dripped on his pajamas. 

“It’s okay.” Roy tipped his head back slightly against the headboard. “Occupational hazard of sleeping with you, I guess.” His nasal tone made Ed want to laugh a little, but he kept a straight face. Roy didn’t much appreciate being laughed at, especially when he was bleeding. 

“Do you really think it’s broken?” Ed was horrified at the idea of breaking any part of Roy’s anatomy, but as the man prided himself so much on his appearance, it added insult to injury to imagine him being sworn in with a bent, swollen nose. 

“I don’t think so. I was just going for the dramatic.” He let go of his nose, holding the handkerchief beneath it. “See, it’s slowing already. No harm done.” 

Ed rubbed the back of his wrist. “I really am sorry.”

Roy let out a tired laugh. “I should know better than to startle you. You were thrashing around; I thought you were having a nightmare.”

Ed exhaled. “Not really.”

He felt Roy’s eyes studying him for a moment, and he turned his face away a little. “No, in order to have a nightmare, you’d have to be sleeping.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not stupid, you know. You did the same thing last night, and the night before. You haven’t slept in days.”

“Yes, I have. I’m fine.”

The corners of Roy’s mouth rose just slightly as he reached out, brushing Ed’s cheek. “You are a terrible liar.”

Ed recoiled slightly from his fingers. “I’m not lying.”

“I can tell when someone’s lying, you especially. I used to interrogate people for a living.”

“What do you mean, ‘used to’?” Ed turned away from him, reaching out to turn off the light. “Go to sleep, Roy.”

A hand slipped across his waist as Roy let it come to rest on Ed’s hip. He spoke quietly in the dark, his breath warm on Ed’s shoulder. “How long do you think you can keep this up? This isn’t a game.”

Anger rose in Ed at Roy’s words, and he felt his face flush. “You think I don’t know that? I’m not a fucking child, and I haven’t been for years, so quit talking to me like I am.”

Roy’s fingers flinched as if he wanted to pull away, but his hand remained stubbornly against Ed’s skin. “It’s not your job to stay up all night. We hired people to do that. You hired them, remember?”

“I know,” Ed growled. “It’s not a fucking conscious decision, okay? I just can’t sleep.”

Roy sighed, and Ed felt him shake his head against the pillows. “I don’t need to see your face to know you’re lying. Your whole body gives you away.”

Ed shoved Roy’s hand off his hip, turning on his side. “Just,” he said, yanking the blanket over him, “stop. This is just temporary, and it’s crappy but it has nothing to do with you, so just go back to sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.”

There was no movement, no sound from the other side of the bed, and after a minute, Ed wondered if Roy had actually gone back to sleep. 

“You’re wrong,” Roy said softly.

Ed exhaled. “About what?”

Roy moved towards him, and Ed felt Roy’s arm wrap around him, pulling him closer. At first Ed resisted, but the gentle pressure of Roy’s forearm against his chest didn’t give him room to move. “This does have to do with me, and this isn’t going to go away. This is only going to get more difficult, and in some ways, this is going to be worse for you.”

“We already talked about this—“

“I need you to listen.” Roy’s voice was hushed, and his lips moved against Ed’s ear. The warmth of Roy’s body surrounded him, and he could feel Roy’s chest rise and fall against his back. “I have been spared from death many times over. So have you. I don’t believe in luck, Ed, so I can only assume that we’re supposed to be alive.” He took a breath. “Even if you could stand vigil over me every moment of every day for the next ten years, it doesn’t guarantee any measure of safety. That’s not why I asked you to take this position. I asked you because I want you beside me through this whole thing, regardless of how it turns out. I know myself now well enough to know that if you’re not with me, I’m going to fail.”

Ed released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “But I only need to fail you one time, do you realize that? I only need to make one mistake, and I could lose you, except then all of Amestris loses you too, and the fault will be all mine, and I’ll never be able to live with myself.”

“You’re not going to fail me. You never have.” Roy’s fingers lightly stroked the center of his chest. “There’s no use carrying guilt for things that never happened. You and I have guilt enough already.”

Ed nodded, his throat aching. “When I close my eyes to try to sleep, I see horrible things. How am I supposed to sleep knowing that at any moment this could all come crashing down?”

Leaning forward, Roy placed a kiss on Ed’s temple. “The world is not going to come crashing down just because you’re sleeping. I need you at your best, and after another day or two of this, you’re going to be a drooling, incoherent zombie staggering around this place. Also, Al is going to get very pissed at me, even if I’m not the one keeping you up.”

“So what am I supposed to do?”

Roy kissed his automail shoulder. “Just let go. Relax. You have to trust me.”

“Yeah, you and relaxing are practically synonyms. You’re such an easy-going guy.” Ed scoffed, but Roy’s hand came to stroke his forehead.

“Want to know what I do when I can’t sleep?”

Ed laughed. “Go to the bathroom and jerk off?”

“After that, smartass.” Roy’s voice was warm and sweet in his ear. “I think about a lit candle.”

“I’m shocked. A fire analogy from the Flame Alchemist?”

“Don’t mock me. I’m serious. Shut up for a minute and try it.” Roy’s fingers were still sliding gently against his forehead. “Picture a lit candle against a black backdrop. Concentrate on the flame. Anytime your mind wants to think about something else, the flame will start to flicker. Think only about the fire. All that exists in your whole mind is that candle, and all that matters is keeping it lit.”

Roy’s voice filled his head, and although Ed thought he was probably full of shit, he did as Roy described. There was the candle, and then there was stupid Roy laughing at him, and then the flame flickered, so he stopped thinking about Roy. Warm arms held him, and his eyes closed, and the candle kept burning, even as the room seemed to grow darker. 

**

The sound of rumbling woke him from dreams, which oddly enough weren’t horrible, just strange. Ed blinked, and as he lifted his head slightly, he saw he’d fallen asleep on Roy’s stomach.

“Hey,” Roy said, reaching out to brush the hair from his eyes.

“Hi.” Ed let his head fall against Roy again, and smiled as Roy’s stomach growled in his ear. “Hungry much?”

“Sorry about that.”

“What time is it?”

“Not quite half past seven.”

Ed stretched, his spine cracking in several places. He still felt tired, but the powerful fog of exhaustion he’d been living under felt like had dissipated somewhat. Roy’s stomach protested loudly again, and Ed chuckled. “You should put something in there before it crawls out and devours everything in its path.”

Roy looked sheepish. “I already called down for breakfast. It’s waiting outside the door.”

“Why didn’t you have it brought in?” 

“I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Ed shook his head. “You’re ridiculous.” He gave one last stretch, and then climbed unsteadily to his feet, hitching his pajama pants over his bare ass. 

“Why is it that by day your clothes are a size too small, and by night, they’re two sizes too big?” Roy called, smirking.

“Since when do men in uniform get to give other people fashion advice?”

“I’m not in uniform anymore.”

Ed pointed to the closet, stuffed full of three-piece suits in varying shades of dark. “You just traded blue for black.”

He unlocked the door and gave a sleepy nod to the guards as he pulled in the breakfast tray. He pushed it over to the bed, and then climbed back in, curling up beside Roy. “Just save me some toast.”

As Roy made little contented sounds while he sampled food from various plates, Ed pulled the covers up and closed his eyes. He just wanted to lay here for a minute.

When he woke again three hours later, all the toast was gone, but luckily Roy was already looking over the menu options for lunch.


End file.
